Think about the society you live in. For me, it's North American society. Here there seems to be an unspoken, but universally
known social taboo against closeness and touching of others. The less you know someone, the further away you must be.
If you've ever observed the behavior of people on a bus, the rule system at work is obvious:
* Seats will fill in
a pattern where 1 person will occupy every 2-seat bench.
*Then, people will sit next to someone based on some personal
1. Gender (women will usually sit next to other women).
2. Appearance (is the person attractive or unattractive?
do they look "safe"?)
3. Cleanliness (do they smell right? are they well groomed?)
people do sit next to each other, one or both will generally act as if the other does not exist by:
1. Sleeping (or pretending
2. Reading (even reading advertisements on the walls -- repeatedly -- if nothing else is available!)
Looking out the window (or shifting their gaze all over the place).
* Often, other people will choose to remain
standing, rather than sit with another person. It is also not uncommon to see people place their briefcase, purse, or package
on the seat next to them, so as to deter others from sitting next to them.
Now, it is obvious that people would
rather not be close to someone who smells bad or looks dangerous. Why is it that people look so pained to be close to someone
that in most respects seems to be a normal, average, happy person?
If you are a parent, you may have observed your
own children reach that "magic age", where they no longer want to hold your hand. Or perhaps you yourself stopped
touching your children because you felt they were past the age where it is "appropriate".
What is it that
causes us to keep a distance from others? I don't know, but as a member of this society I often feel helpless to do other
than play along with everyone else, and observe the unwritten laws. The irony of this social behavior is that it is contradictory
to one of our most fundamental needs: the need for closeness and contact with others! Scientific research has long since proven
what each of us knows in our hearts: touching, and being touched by others is necessary for health and happiness.
Virginia Satir condensed her understanding of the human need for contact into a daily hug prescription.
hugs for survival
8 hugs for maintenance
12 hugs for growth
While this particular "prescription"
is obviously not scientific, it is still completely valid. However, by my own estimation, I'd guess that most of us are malnourished
as far as our human contact quota goes. Are you getting your 12 hugs a day? I'm not. I'm not sure where those lucky people
live, but we should all be so fortunate.
While hugs are wonderful and indispensable, one of the nicest touches I've
felt in my life has been the touch of massage. Properly done, a massage is like a hug that covers the whole body, giving special
care and healing to each part. The result is a wonderful feeling of relaxation and health that lasts for hours after. Plus,
it's an easy way to get the equivalent of your 12 daily hugs.
Massage has also been one of the worst things I've
felt, when practiced (actually, the word that springs to mind is 'inflicted') by someone with the wrong idea of what is involved
(slapping, crushing pressure, etc.).
I've made it a project of mine over the last number of years to learn about
the different varieties of massage and integrate different elements into my own personal style. My preference is most centered
within relaxation and, health oriented massage, which I refer to as sensual massage.
our source of happiness and joy
Sensual & Erotic Massage Instruction Videos
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